When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Holy sore nipples Batman
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
