i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
