somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize