Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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