Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
