Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize