DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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