You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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