i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
