They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
