He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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