just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
