So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize