just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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