I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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