So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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