Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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