hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
