I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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