u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
