im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
