i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize