your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
