the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
