a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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