i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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