can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
