My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize