before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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