i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
