Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
