one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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