I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
