he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
