Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
