Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
