Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize