Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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