Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
