I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
How's work?
Spinning.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
