i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
