I can tuck mytits in my pants
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Randomize
