Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
