I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
