this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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