You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
