you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
