ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
