So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
