my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
