Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
