I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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