my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
