my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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