He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
