My entire life is one complicated drinking game
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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