Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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