Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize