I wish you could order shots online.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Girls should come with a carfax report
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
