Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
this just has baby written all over it
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
