They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
