Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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