oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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