I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
