I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just pynch a tree in the face
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
