There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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