She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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