i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
