So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
