It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
