Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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