Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
