Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
