i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
being pregnant is like rehab
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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