I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
