I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
