I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
