I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
