Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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