if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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