12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
