You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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