A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
