Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
