My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
