Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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