I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
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