i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Blood and glitter go together right?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
